


Affection

by OurAlaska



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10830963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurAlaska/pseuds/OurAlaska
Summary: The war is over. The Sanctuary is destroyed. The Saviors are gone.A celebration for the end of the tyranny is held in Alexandria, but Jesus can't enjoy the festivities along with everyone else.Warning: angsty fluffy one shot ahead!





	Affection

Paul stood to the side, nursing the bottle of beer in his hand and thought bitterly how he wished he hadn't let Maggie talk him into this.

-

_"C'mon Paul, you deserve to celebrate as much as anyone else." Maggie had begged, holding onto Paul's arm as they sat on the steps of the mansion, watching the sun set over Hilltop._  
"Parties have never been my thing, I'll only be a downer." He replied, looking off into the distance at the gates. He still wasn’t used to the idea that never again would they have to endure the Saviors pulling up to them anymore. It had been a tough fight, a lot had been lost, but in the end they had triumphed.  
Even trying to avoid Maggie's gaze, he could still feel her head tilt as she looked at him, eyebrows arched as she gave him a determined stare.  
"After everything we have been through together, we **both** deserve this one time to relax." 

-

And so here Paul was, in the middle of Alexandria, with a bunch of people that barely knew his name, almost wishing back to when they were at war. Everyone milled around, chatting amongst themselves, music playing quietly in the background. The only other person that looked more uncomfortable than Paul was Eugene, who had somehow managed to not only survive the attack on the Sanctuary, but successfully beg for mercy from Rick. As Eugene sat on the outskirts by the speakers, sipping sullenly at the drink in his hand, he wondered if maybe death would've been a better outcome for him. 

Maggie stood chatting to Rick and some guy from the Kingdom whose name he couldn't recall, they stood laughing but all of their faces showed the tell tale signs of previous intense stress, especially Ricks. Paul ran a hand over his own face absentmindedly, he couldn't recall the last time he looked in a mirror, and wondered just how bad he must look. 

Maggie looked over to him with a smile, beckoning him over. He reluctantly made his way through the crowd, Maggie and Rick moving aside to make room for him in their little circle.  
"How are you finding tonight?" Rick asked pleasantly, holding a half drunk bottle of beer in his hands.  
"Great, thanks for inviting me, Rick." Paul replied politely, taking a small swig of the beer he had been holding all night. The guy from the Kingdom stared at Paul for a few moments, his eyebrows knitted together, before a large grin split across his face.  
"Hey, weren't you there at that night at the Sanctuary?" Paul stood there for a moment, before taking another swig of his beer.  
"A lot of people were at the Sanctuary at some point, you're gonna have to narrow it down." He was trying his damndest to pretend like he had no idea what this guy was talking about, but he knew pretty much everyone knew exactly what he was talking about.

-

_They all sat around the fire, the thing was barely large enough to illuminate their faces, let alone warm them. It didn't matter though, what tomorrow brought was enough to chill anyone to the bone. Tomorrow they were the first line against the Sanctuary, they were to distract Negan from the rest of the Militia sneaking around from the other side._

_They were most certain to die._

_No one had voiced this. Paul himself had volunteered for this role, he felt it was only fair - how could he possibly watched some of his own people run to the slaughter, believing everything would be okay? He had left as detailed map as possible of the area surrounding the Sanctuary to Rick, Ezekiel and Maggie, lying through a big grin that he knew they would get there in time to stop them being killed._

_Paul wasn't really sure why he had volunteered to die. He guessed he was just tired, tired of the fight for survival that just seemed to get harder everyday. Tired of always putting up a front. Tired of not being able to let his guard down._

_A strong arm nudged his side, pushing a bottle into his hand. Paul took a long, deep swig. He wasn't sure why Daryl had come along, as far as he could see Daryl had everything. He had a group where he was part of the core, he was loved and respected in his group, not like Paul._  
Daryl watched Paul intensely as he drank from his bottle of moonshine, Paul barely registered the burn in his throat as he drank.  
"You're taking that back pretty well." Daryl commented, his voice low.  
"Got a hell of a day tomorrow." Paul replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He passed the bottle back to Daryl, whose hand lightly brushed his own. Their eyes locked. 

_God if he didn't want to kiss him right now. Just feel some sort of connection before he died._

_"I'll take first watch." Paul mumbled, stumbling up away from the fire._

-

The guy wriggled his eyebrows suggestively at Paul, a big stupid grin still plastered on his face.  
"You're the guy that tried it on with Daryl!" If looks could kill then this guy would already be bleeding on the ground, the way Maggie glared at him. "I gotta give it to you, you're a braver guy than me. I probably would've gone for someone maybe not so butch, less likely to fight back and all."  
Paul fixed his eyes down to the inside of his bottle, he could feel the anger building inside of him. Maggie opened her mouth to speak, but Rick, ever the peace maker, beat her to it.  
"I think maybe you've had a little bit too much to drink, Daniel. None of us would be here if it wasn't for Paul having the guts to find the Sanctuary and map it." Rick spoke pleasantly enough, but the grip on his drink betrayed how he felt. Daniel continued to laugh, shaking his head as he spoke.

"Hey I fully appreciate that, I just think it's funny, that's all."

Funny?

Paul being attracted to someone was _funny?_

Paul downed the rest of the drink in his hand, quietly excusing himself to go grab another.

-

_The air was stale, but still had a twinge of chill to it. Paul stood there, staring into the darkness, shivering despite the amount of alcohol he had consumed. In reality he knew there wasn't really any need for him to be on watch - you could always count on the Saviors to feel slightly too comfortable with their borders, and they were far enough away that no sentry would spot them this deep in the woods. He just needed to get away._

_He sat down, leaning back into the tree behind him, his head swimming. He had been so close, so close to just leaning in and kissing Daryl.  
He wasn't even sure why, he hadn't really thought about being attracted to Daryl before. Sure, he could recognise the fact that Daryl wasn't exactly unattractive, but he had never really given it much more thought than that. Then all it took was their hands brushing and suddenly all Paul could think about was Daryl and how much he wanted to kiss him._

_He chuckled to himself dryly, he was clearly very drunk._

_"What's so funny?" A gravely voice came from behind him. Paul snapped his head around, looking up to see Daryl stood looking at him._  
"What are you doing here? You should be asleep." Paul replied quietly, avoiding Daryl's question. Daryl stood there, watching him in silence for a moment.  
"Couldn’t sleep." Daryl replied gruffly. 

-

He made his way into Tara's house, who had graciously let it be used as a glorified bar for tonight. He stormed his way in, trying to act as if he couldn't hear the foot steps trailing behind him. He threw the fridge open, pulling out a bottle of beer, cracking it open, and taking a large gulp. He turned to see Maggie, holding her enlarged belly as she stood on the opposite side of the kitchen. Paul immediately felt guilty for making her try to keep up with him.

"Don't listen to Daniel, when he's drunk he's an asshole." Maggie said it matter-of-factly, like she had been talking about the weather. She couldn't hide though the silent rage burning in her eyes at Daniel's comments, it made Paul ache how protective she had become of him. He gave her a sad smile.

"Don't worry, Maggie, I don't care." She didn't smile back, but her eyes did soften at his words.

"It's not a bad thing to care, Paul." She crossed the kitchen, holding her growing bump as she did so, and wrapped an arm around Paul. Paul did his best to stick to his resolve and stay strong, but he quickly melted into her embrace, resting his head upon her shoulder.

"They're all laughing at me."

"Not all of them." Maggie replied gently.

"Okay, just most of them." Paul murmured bitterly. Tears threatened to fleck his eyes, he supressed a small sniffle.

"He won't even look at me, like he's ashamed of me." Maggie pulled Paul in closer.

"I know, honey. And I know it hurts, but you gotta go out there and hold your head up high, you have nothing to be ashamed of." She let out a small sigh, running an affectionate hand through Paul's hair. "I am so sorry for getting you to come along." Paul chuckled, taking the chance to now comfort Maggie.

"You weren't to know." Maggie smiled at Paul, taking his hands into hers.

"C'mon now, let's go back out there. Head up high, remember?"

-

_Daryl sat down next to Paul with a thud, he couldn't help but think to himself that perhaps he had had slightly too much to drink too._

_"You don't have to be out here, you know. Surely you'd wanna stay by the fire and keep warm?" Paul said, shivering slightly. Daryl just shrugged._

_"I ain't cold. Thought you could use the company."_

_Paul wasn't sure how to reply. If he was honest, this entire exchange of conversation was just plain awkward. Any other person he would think they were skirting around what they really wanted to say, but normal conversational rules and social cues didn't apply to Daryl._

_"Why are you here, Daryl?" Paul eventually blurted out. Daryl turned to him, as Paul continued. "Your group loves you, you're practically Rick's right hand man, you know we're gonna die tomorrow." Daryl just continued to watch Paul, saying nothing. Paul turned away with a huff._

_"Cause I'm wanna finally do something right."_

_His voice was barely a whisper, but Paul heard it all the same. He turned to Daryl, shooting him a questioning look. Daryl opted to stare at the earth between his feet as he spoke._

_"This entire time, I've tried. I tried finding Carol's kid, I tried looking after Maggie's sister, and they both died. I got my brother killed by trying to make him something he ain't, instead of sticking by him. And then Glenn…" His voice cracked, he took a painful swallow, composing himself. "At least if I die tomorrow, it'll be doing something right."_

_"Daryl… you can't just focus on the things that have gone wrong, think about all the good you've done for your group too. From what I hear, a lot of them wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for you, Rick loves you like a brother. Why waste your life on something so hopeless?" Daryl looked up and met Paul's gaze._

_"Why you wasting yours?"_

-

Maggie looped her arm through Paul's and they walked out of the house together, Maggie plastering a very convincing smile on her face. Paul did his best to imitate her confidence, walking with his head high, just like she had said. Maggie weaved them through the crowd, pulling them over to where Aaron and Eric were stood, chatting to each other quietly. They both looked up and smiled at the pair.

"Evening! How are you enjoying tonight?" Eric asked, Paul smiled back politely.

"It's been pretty good so far, thank you." He lied. 

"We were only just saying how everyone needs this after everything that has gone on. You especially, Jesus. You have no idea how grateful we all for everything you did for the cause." Aaron said, as his hand found Eric's, giving it a small squeeze. Paul couldn't help but feel a small pang at how unapologetic they were for loving each other. Paul took a swig of his beer, shaking his head modestly.

"Don't mention it, I'm just glad it's all over." Aaron smiled at him, one of the few rare genuine smiles he got these days.

"Regardless, if it wasn't for you, none of us would be here right now." Paul stood for a second, not sure what to say. Maggie saved him instead, laughing.

"Now Aaron, keep going on like that and it's gonna go to Paul's head!" She smiled up at him, giving his arm a small squeeze, before turning back to Aaron and Eric. "Now, I don't want to gross you boys out, but being a pregnant lady means I have a bladder like a kitten. I'll be back in a moment." Maggie gently unhooked herself from Paul's arm, before walking off in the direction of Tara's house, holding her belly as she did. Paul couldn't even hide the smile from his face as she held her arms protectively around her baby bump. 

"It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?" Eric said, Paul turned back to him, seeing him smile. "Maggie, with Glenn's child. After everything that poor woman has been through, but she never gives up." Paul continued to smile, taking a small sip of his drink.

"She's a fighter, I must admit."

Paul stood there, making polite chatter with Aaron and Eric, and as he continued to take sips of his drink, he found himself thinking maybe this night wasn't such a disaster after all.  
Eric had been speaking about the finer points of pasta making when he stopped, gazing over Paul's shoulder. Paul turned around to see Daryl finally show face at the party, the crowd parting as he made his way through, looking around. Paul's smile dropped, watching Daryl. Daryl looked over and their eyes locked. Paul looked away, draining the beer in his hand.  
Daryl began to make his way towards the trio, and Paul could hear it. He could hear the sniggers, the hushed drunk whispers of what Daryl was going to do. Paul's face burned at the amount of eyes on him, he had to get away. 

Paul walked straight past him, his shoulder smacking Daryl's as he passed. He could still hear them all talking about him, he wished he could drown them all out. He walked into Tara's house, grabbed a six pack, and walked out of the back door. 

-

_The question caught Paul off guard. He knew why he was here, but having to actually vocalise it just made it too weird, almost too real. He looked away from Daryl, hoping if he stayed silent for long enough he would perhaps take the hint and leave him alone. But Daryl continued to sit there, waiting for an answer._

_"I don't know." Paul lied. Daryl snorted._

_"Don't bullshit me. I told you my reasons, now tell me yours. Come tomorrow it ain't gonna matter anyway." Paul continued to look away from Daryl, focusing on some far away point, his jaw clenched._

_"Because I feel so alone." He waited to hear Daryl snort again, but heard nothing. He turned around and faced Daryl, whose face was surprisingly soft._

_"Dying tomorrow ain't gonna fix that. You got your people, you got Maggie." Paul let out a small, humourless chuckle._

_"Having people around doesn't stop me feeling alone. It's like there is a barrier between me and everyone else, and I can never get rid of it…" Paul shook his head, looking away from Daryl. "I'm just tired. Tired of never letting anyone in."_

_They both sat in silence, Paul kept waiting for Daryl to get up and walk away, but it never happened. Instead, he pulled out his bottle of moonshine, took a long swig, and offered it to Paul. Paul looked down at the bottle and chuckled, reaching out to take up the offer. Paul's hand brushed Daryl's, and their eyes locked._

_**He wanted to feel something.** _

_Daryl held his gaze, their hands still touching. Paul's mouth felt like cotton, was he misreading this?_

_**He wanted to let someone in.** _

_Paul felt scared. And exhilarated. And vulnerable. Like he wanted to run a thousand miles away crying and at the same time wanted to laugh and close the space between them and sink into Daryl._

_Daryl still didn't break eye contact with Paul, did he want this too?_

_Paul began to lean in, slowly, carefully. Daryl didn't move. The air was thick and the few inches between their faces felt more dangerous than the walls of the Sanctuary itself. But still Daryl didn't move, his eyes flicking down to Paul's lips before flicking back to his eyes._

_Paul hesitated for a moment, before closing his eyes and leaning in to close the space between them._

_A sound behind them made him stop. He looked around the tree trunk and to his horror saw one of their group staring at them both, slack jawed. Daryl pulled away from Paul._

-

Paul sat in the gloom by the graveyard, tears rolling down his cheeks freely as he drank. He had briefly considered walking back to Hilltop, but he knew in his current state he would just end up in the stomach of some walker. Whilst he didn't particularly care for his own wellbeing, he didn't want to put Maggie through losing yet another person. Instead, he settled for the next best thing - sitting in a graveyard, wishing he were dead.

He crushed the empty can in his hand, tossing it aside and immediately opening up another, taking a painful gulp as he tried to supress his sobs. He wasn't just hurt, he was _angry_. Angry that Daryl hadn't moved away from him, had wanted it just as much as him, hadn't corrected anyone on what happened that night, hadn't even acknowledged Paul's existence since that night.

He was angry for letting himself get hurt in the first place.

He tried again to supress his sobs, but as soon as the first, strangled sob emerged from his throat a chorus of them followed, no matter how hard Paul tried to grit his teeth. He pulled his knees up, cradling himself as he cried, lost in his own little world of despair.

"Hey." Paul's head snapped up, scowling at the shadow looming over him.

"Go away." He snapped, picking up the can to his side, taking a long drink as he furiously wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. Daryl stepped into the shadows, trying to sink down next to Paul. Paul quickly pushed him away, knocking Daryl off of his haunches onto his back.

"Wouldn't want people thinking we were too close, would we?" Paul sneered, shuffling further away from Daryl. Daryl scowled at him, trying to grab at his wrist.

"Stop acting like an idiot, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Paul slapped his hand away, venom lacing his words as he hissed at Daryl.

"Why would you fucking care? You don't even look at me for weeks, now suddenly you wanna make sure I'm okay? Do I _look_ fucking okay to you?" Daryl sat there, staring at Paul dumbly, it only enraged him further, words spilling out of his mouth like water through a broken dam. "I know you've heard everything everyone has been saying, but you've said nothing. How can you sit there, saying you want to make sure I'm okay, when you wouldn't even tell people what really happened that night?"

"Nothing happened that night-"

"Exactly! Nothing fucking happened! So why won't you tell people that? Why have you ignored me like I'm some mistake?" Paul exclaimed, trying his best to hold back the tears. It was a useless task, as they began to tumble down his cheeks, Paul looked away from Daryl, frustrated. His voice barely above a whisper, Paul croaked. "I trusted you."

Daryl stared at him for a moment, processing everything he had just said. Daryl's face contorted to anger.

"You think you're the only one that has problems getting close to people?" Paul turned back to him, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. "You ever think I didn't say anything to you 'cause I didn't know what to say? You think I haven't had people saying shit to me too? The hell you know what's going through my head?" Paul continued to just sit there, Daryl stared back and scoffed. "Nothing to say now? You seemed to have a lot to say a minute ago."  
Daryl took a can from the six pack Paul had swiped, cracking one open and draining half of it in one go. Their eyes connected, and Daryl's face softened.

"Nothing happened that night. But I wanted something to." He murmured. Paul sat there, feeling like he had both had a punch to the gut and like butterflies were in his stomach. It didn't feel real for him, Daryl sitting there and saying this.

Daryl continued to keep Paul's eye contact, slowly moving closer to him, bridging the space between them. Paul watched, he wanted nothing more than to move towards Daryl too, to just give in and kiss him and be okay being vulnerable around someone. 

But instead he stayed still, and let Daryl make all the moves. Daryl sat next to him, his eye contact never breaking. Paul noticed he looked nervous, and couldn't help but find it slightly amusing that such a seasoned bruiser as Daryl would find this nerve wracking. Daryl sucked on his bottom lip, like he was trying to think of what to do next, before he quickly leant in and placed a small, tender kiss on Paul's lips. 

Paul couldn't help but recoil slightly in shock, regretting his knee jerk reaction when he saw the hurt in Daryl's eyes. Daryl started pushing himself up from the ground, but Paul grabbed his hand and pulled him back. Daryl looked back at him, at first confused, but then relieved when Paul took his face into his hands. Paul began to lean in, before turning and trying to see if they were truly alone. Daryl took his face in his hand and turned him back to face him.

"I don't give a damn if anyone sees."

Paul leant in and kissed him deeply, with a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I really should be working on my Negan/Rick fic, but this idea came to me recently and I just couldn't resist writing it! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it! <3


End file.
